I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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