Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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