i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
