Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
