I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
