I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
