that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
