WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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