I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
