haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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