the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
