You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
