I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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