The maid of honor just puked.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
