Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
