May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
