FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
