This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
