I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
