you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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