Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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