while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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