im drinking this country out of the recession.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
