return my video game
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
