But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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