So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
