Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
