i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
