She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
