I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
