He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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