Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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