Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize