Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
