Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
