Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
