So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
