would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
