It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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