the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
