I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize