you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize