She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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