Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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