I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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