Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
