Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
