He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
