would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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