I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
