apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
