Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
