Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
