I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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