so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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