You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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