Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
