sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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