I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
