Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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