Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
