I wannas sexs uuuuu
Porn is love you can see.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize