You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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