Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
