I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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