How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
