Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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