the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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