Who wears a wallet chain?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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