Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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