If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
