Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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