"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
