I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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