Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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