No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
