The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
