I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
