Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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