Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
