its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
