we're blogging at a bar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
