Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
