She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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