worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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