He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
