There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
