Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
