haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
