Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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