i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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