he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
