Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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