you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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