the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
