I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
third nipple confirmed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
