I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
