Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
