Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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