mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
